My One Word, 2014

We are halfway through the first month of 2014, and I hadn't even begun making a LIST of words for "My One Word".  For the last few years, I've been following My One Word and choosing, well, one word to work on for the year. What does God have in store for me? What do I need to work on this year?

Previously, I've done "Focus," "Move," and "Up."

I always do a word picture, and then save it to my phone and on my computer so it reminds me of what I need to work on.

So, why "CHOOSE"?

This blog - You Don't Choose A Life, You Live One. I've been taking part in a blogging workshop (amazing...) and one of the participants posted her blog today. She talks a little bit about a job situation that is less than ideal, and about her husband and kids and...well, it really hit home.

I've been in an uncomfortable place, work-wise, for a while now. My G's trip to Korea has loomed over our heads for months. I've felt tired and down and angry and whiny and just generally pissy.

But I don't have to be.

This week, I chose to go to the gym straight from work. You know what? I was much more able to spend time with Little G and really enjoy being home.

This week, I chose to let a few things slide and to help Little G with her own transition to "just us girls". You know what? She pitched in a LOT without me even having to ask.

Today, I CHOSE to smile when I wanted to let off some steam. I walked away, thought it over, and then I CHOSE to come back and finish the discussion and stand up for myself. You know what? The situation wasn't magically better. Nothing really got "fixed". But standing up for myself felt really good and it let the other person know that I was going to hold her to a higher standard.

In the Army, we are given very few choices. As a Facebook status reminded me this week, "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit." Army families are really good at understanding this. We don't choose where we live, most of the time. We don't choose our bosses. Our Soldiers don't choose much of anything, and a lot of family members don't get to either. Sometimes we don't even choose basic things like vacations - we take our trips when our Soldiers can get leave, and that is left up to the needs (whims) of the Army.

But we can choose to be thankful for what we do have. We can choose to enjoy what we are given. We can choose to be glad for any moments of communication, rather than grumble because our communication is too brief.

I think there will be a lot of choice for me in 2014. I realize that the blog that inspired me, actually said that we are to live our lives, rather than choose them. But I believe that we live better lives when we choose our focus, when we choose to be thankful, when we choose our own outlook on whatever happens in the lives we lead.

I choose, I want to remember to choose, to light that candle instead of cursing the darkness.

101 in 1001

Day Zero came up with the neatest Life List challenge, and I've been seeing it all over the place today.  Here, on a blog I'm happy to have found recently, and here, on my friend's blog where she is finding her strengths and focus. It's all over Twitter.

So what's the deal?

The challenge is to name and complete 101 tasks in 1001 days, or about 2.75 years. From the original website, the criteria is thus:

the criteria: Tasks must be specific (i.e., no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (i.e., represent some amount of work on my part).

why 1001 days?: Many people have created lists in the past – frequently simple goals such as new year’s resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Looking up some dates, if I start my 101 tonight, I have until September 30, 2016 to do them all.  I already have a written "Life List" that incorporates some Bucket List ideas and some frivolous but fun living-in-the-now kinds of sensibilities.  The 101 fits right in, and allows me to check in more often with smaller, bite-sized tasks as well.

After I got most of these typed up, I realized I should have organized them somehow. Work, writing, personal, home, family, friends. Honestly, coming up with 101 goals was more difficult than I would have expected!

1.  Full emergency fund.
2.  New Job.
3.  Pay for Thirty One Conference with my Thirty-One business.
4.  Choose a small accent chair for the living room.
5.  Redesign my blog.
6.  Fully participate in "Blogging Made Bite-Sized".
7.  Paint the master bathroom.
8.  Mark a state off my Life List.
9.  Add 10 new things to my Life List.
10. Go to spin class 3 times.
11.  Finish Jewel Park, the book I've been writing.
12.  Volunteer for 3 different organizations.
13.  Run or run/walk a 5k.
14.  Bake bread.
15.  Get my hearing examined and aids adjusted if needed.
16.  Full physical.
17.  Make all the Christmas cards we give out that year.
18.  Make a wreath for the front door.
19.  Learn to knit.
20.  50 followers on Passages.
21.  200 Twitter followers.
22.  Visit my friend in Kentucky.
23.  Visit my friend in Louisiana and take Little G.
24.  Redo one bathroom.
25.  Go one week without eating out at all.

26.  Read all of Psalms.
27.  Read all of Proverbs.
28.  Leave a 100% tip.
29.  Take a yoga class.
30.  Movie theater fun - double feature, one day.  (Might stretch to three!)
31.  Get my passport.
32.  Test drive a car I have absolutely no intention to buy.
33.  Go three months without buying a single book, reading only the ones I already own.
34.  Totally clean out and reorganize my craft dresser.
35.  Jammie day.  Don't get dressed for anything.
36.  Write five book reviews for Amazon and blog.
37.  Write five product reviews for Amazon and blog.
38.  Find and plant a rose bush for the front of the house.
39.  Update my resume.
40.  Publish Jewel Park as an ebook.
41.  Re-learn how to crochet.
42.  Take someone out to dinner who needs a break.
43.  Fix nicks and scratches on bedroom furniture.
44.  Go through closet and get rid of things that are unloved or unlovely.
45.  Let Little G plan out a day and follow her ideas.
46.  Visit Big G in KS again.
47.  Figure out how to style this short hair.
48.  Recarpet smaller bedrooms.
49.  Paint or replace front door.
50.  Reorganize or reframe all framed photos on family wall.

51.  Hold three community classes at work. (If I have a new job, that can translate to        three community classes at the library or elsewhere.)
52.  Throw out or donate 50 of my items.
53.  Have hair professionally colored.
54.  Try contacts again.
55.  Help Big G monthly.
56.  Go for a month only buying the consumable necessities (food, gas, etc). Trades allowed.
57.  Do a web-free day.
58.  Make a list of 20 classic movies to watch.
59.  Watch the 20 classic movies.
60.  Read at least one "good for me" book off my shelves.
61.  One in, One out rule for clothing.
62.  Reorganize and clean out hall closet.
63.  Reorganize, clean out, and deep clean pantry.
64.  Buy a classic interview suit.
65.  Volunteer with an election.
66.  New plates for the kitchen.
67.  Matching silverware.
68.  Go to a karaoke bar.  Sing with a group.
69.  Do freezer meals for a week.  Try Dream Dinners. :)
70.  Replace the large posters in the living room.
71.  Hardware on the kitchen cabinets/drawers.
72.  Do a technology-free day.
73.  New chairs for the dining room.
74.  Reupholster the shoe bench.
75.  Send 365 photos to my Soldier.

76.  Blog updates every six months on this project.
77.  Set up play area in Big G's room.
78.  Learn to heat-emboss cards.
79.  Fix grout in house tile.
80.  Hold 10 Thirty One parties.
81.  See a live football game. (Bonus if it's KState)
82.  Make 20 cards to donate.
83.  Hang ladybug houses in the backyard.
84.  52 trash days.
85.  Fresh start in budget.
86.  Print another copy of "52" for the Franks'.
87.  Clean and reorganize office.
88.  Sort through books - return "borrows" and donate those I won't ever read.
89.  Use a blogging/editorial calendar.
90.  Meal plan for one month.  (Hopefully longer but one month seems doable.)
91.  Caulk kitchen sink.
92.  Choose "My One Word".
93.  Do a 52-trash-day series for blog. Perhaps incorporate the weekly savings plan.
94.  Participate in four blog linkups.
95.  Find a face regimen that works for me.
96.  Monthly "My One Word" posts.
97.  Better organize my 101 in 1001 so it makes better sense and I can track it easier.
98.  Do at least one vendor event for Thirty One.
99.  Do a fundraiser for Thirty One.
100.Learn to use all the circuit machines at the gym.

101.  Go through and write a blog post about this project after the end date - list strengths, weaknesses, and end results.

What He Hasn't Missed

I think it's common knowledge by now that Soldiers miss a lot in their families' lives. Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases, school events... Politicians talk about the "empty chair at the table" like they've personally sat beside one of those empty chairs and know what they're talking about. (Note: some politicians do actually know how this feels, but I think I'm safe in saying that's a minority.)

Anyway, that's pretty common knowledge.

It's easy to sink into that blue feeling, looking ahead at 2014. It would be very easy to think about what he'll miss this time around, what things I will be alone for, what things the kids won't have their father close by for, etc. If I'm not careful, that line of thinking can become very depressing, very fast.

Yeah, it's true he'll miss a lot. And there's a lot I'll be doing solo. But that ignores a very important fact, one I told my best friend 20 years ago when she asked how I could handle him being gone so much: "I'd rather him in my life when he can be, than not have our life together at all."

I started a different line of thinking today, to help me focus on what is more important. What he hasn't missed, what he's been here for, and what matters most.

He's been here for me through two surgeries, one minor and one more serious. He took care of me after both.

He's been here to help get our yard totally landscaped. You'd never guess, looking at his work, what this house looked like the day we moved in. He's even set it up so I can plant one last rose bush once he's gone, because we just haven't found the right one yet. (Ask me about the hole in the ground.)

He's been here to see our oldest graduate from 8th grade and from high school.

He taught her how to drive.

He has seen her first apartment, and met her first after-high-school boyfriend.

He took care of everything (EVERYTHING) while I was away this summer, caring for my mother. And then he drove us 14 hours to go back there to help her move.

He saw our Little G finish elementary school.

He put up the tree this year, all by himself, so I would find it lit and gorgeous when I got home from work. All we had to do was hang ornaments.

He puts out Christmas lights, each year a little more elaborate, whenever he's home.

He helped choose and care for our first tree in this yard. (And decorated it with a few pitiful lights that first year.)

He's rescued kittens from our back yard.

He's taken care of pests in that same back yard (including wasps, for which I cannot thank him enough).

He's cleaned and cooked and cared in every possible way that a husband and father can - which is why, this year, I will not be focused on what he's missing. I'll be taking photos and sending him notes and helping him "not miss" it so much.

Our Soldiers sacrifice a hell of a lot for this country. The least I can do is keep my focus on what is right, instead of painful, about being married to this one.

New Life Rules

Time to write again, as there is another long "away" in our future. Between some work stress and some major life changes, it's a good time to reflect on what I want life to mean to me and what I expect from myself going forward.

This list is not conclusive and it's certainly going to need some additions, but it's what's been in my heart.

• It's ok to ask for help when I need it.
• Pray without ceasing.
• If my heart is feeling sore, I need to state the truth, at least to myself.
• Telling myself to "buck up" is not helpful.
• Reaching outside my comfort zone, however, can be a good thing.
• Even when things are dark, if I am simply trying to do the right thing and reflect God and goodness in my life, it does not go unnoticed.  I don't always hear about it, but it is not unnoticed.

Most importantly:

• If I wouldn't give certain "advice" to a girlfriend, why do I think it's OK to give it to myself?
• I matter.

Ultimately, the year ahead will have dark and light and strength and weakness - there will be times of sorrow and times of great joy.  I'm fortunate that this is just an "away" and not an "away and in danger".  I have a dear friend who has told me to take this year, search inside for the person I want to be and the future I want to share with my G, and build the foundation we'll need.  She, as always, has good advice.

Join me?