Friday, September 23, 2011

Five Question Friday-- Surprising Sources of Comfort

Melissa is a new friend to me, and was kind enough to answer my request for a "Five Question" response.  I can only imagine what it would have been like to have to say goodbye to a parent under those circumstances-- yet her attitude is positive and upbeat overall.  I think a lot of spouses could learn from her example.

Thanks Melissa.  

1. What are five things you know now about military life that you wish someone had told you?

A. Be careful what you say and to whom because if it is not nice it can come back to bite you in the butt.

b. You may have married your husband but you are married to the military as well. The down side is you have no say in when he comes and goes and what goes on with his job.

c. The FRG is not always a bad thing, there are some really good ones out there, but you have to want to be a part of it and help to make it good.

d. The friends you make now will be your second family and support you, treasure them and thank them often.

e. Use the free programs on base, go to all the classes that are offered, the more you know the better your life will be in the military.

2. What is the most important thing you'd like to tell new spouses?

The most important thing I wish someone would have told me is keep your friends close and enemies closer. I can't tell you how many people I have met over the years that are only out for themselves, will smile to you in the face, but ready to stab you in the back the first chance they get. I know this sounds harsh but I married my husband while I was still in college and living with my parents, I was naive and gullible. This cost me a lot and I feel the need to warn those who may be the same. Not everyone is out to get you and I have met some truly wonderful ladies while my husband was in the army, but I have also met some not so nice people and learned the hard way about this.

3. What do you love the most?

I love all my friends I have made while in the army. I have some truly special ladies to thank for helping me get through some of the hardest parts of this life. Without them I don't think I would have survived as well. I also love the fact I am more out spoken and more independent now.

4. What do you find the hardest?

The hardest part is always having to say goodbye.

Whether it was to my husband, my friends or my family I always had to say goodbye to someone and it sucked. I have cried countless tears for deployments, for my friends PCSing or us PCSing or going home on leave only to have the 2 weeks fly by so quickly that you cry just for another week at home.

I just lost my mom this past year and it was one of the hardest things I had to live though. I always moved back home or with my in-laws during deployments due to medical issues and just needing that extra help with our kids (plus the extra pay was nice too). I knew even before my husband told me he was deploying this last time I was going to move home with my parents because they had the room and I was so homesick and something told me that I needed to go home.

Well at first I thought that something was me having to have surgery(total hysterectomy at the age of 27) but 3 weeks after surgery, I found my mom unconscious, not breathing in her recliner.

I freaked out-- I was still recovering from surgery.  I couldn't move her to try to do cpr, my dad was not home to help me and my kids were sleeping and the ambulance could not get there quick enough.

That moment still haunts me now and is the hardest thing I have ever gone through.

I lost my mom that night in my arms, she passed away. I know this seems kind of off subject but I have a point.

When I broke the news about my mom dying to my friends (Army and civilian) I had more support from my military wives that were not even in the same town as me than I did with the friends who lived up the street. Still now I have friends checking on me making sure I am ok.

This is where the question what do I love the most and what is the hardest come into play. Without my friends I would have crumbled and that is why it is so hard when they go away.

5. Tell me a story that sums up military life for you

9 years ago I married into the Army. We had planned a wedding but got word of a deployment so we jumped the gun and went to the court house. Since then anything we had planned has usually been canceled due to the army. Training, deployments, field exercises-- yep they have all come into play whether it's been holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, first years of our children's lives yep he has missed them or we have had to cancel and reschedule. I have never blamed my husband for any of this nor would I but I swear it doesn't make me too happy having to reschedule something within a day or two of being told I had to(if that makes sense). I have learned to expect the unexpected and to just carry on with what we have going on. You have to adapt yourself and be willing to change to help yourself survive being a military wife.

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